Assume Nothing: Self-Awareness in Violent Relationships

Society is becoming increasingly aware of the nature of intimate partner violence as more victims step forward to tell their stories, seeking justice and healing. It has been an “open secret” of alarming proportions—suffered by untold numbers of victims, yet rarely prosecuted as a crime. But the shroud of secrecy is gradually lifting on this blindspot in society.

In an online conversation, Tanya Selvaratnam, speaking from her own intimate experience with former New York State Attorney General Eric Schneiderman, discusses her growing self-awareness with Buddhist psychiatrist Dr. Mark Epstein in an effort to expose the prevalence of intimate partner violence and offer steps to spot, stop, and prevent it.

About the speakers

Tanya Selvaratnam is a writer and an Emmy-nominated and multiple Webby-winning producer. She is the author of THE BIG LIE and the recently published Assume Nothing: A Story of Intimate Violence. Her essays have been published in the New York Times, Vogue, Glamour, Cosmo, CNN, NBC News, and McSweeney’s. She has produced for the Vision & Justice Project; Joy To The Polls; Aubin Pictures; Glamour Women of the Year; The Meteor; For Freedoms; Rubell Family Collection; The Shed; NGO Forum/Fourth World Conference on Women in China; and Planned Parenthood. She has collaborated with numerous artists including Liz Garbus, Catherine Gund, Tiffany Shlain, Mickalene Thomas, Hank Willis Thomas, and Carrie Mae Weems. She received her graduate and undergraduate degrees in Chinese language and legal history from Harvard University.

Mark Epstein, MD, is a regular participant in the Rubin’s programs. A highly regarded psychiatrist in private practice in New York City, he is the author of a number of books about the interface of Buddhism and psychotherapy, the most recent of which is Advice Not Given: A Guide to Getting Over Yourself. Other titles include Thoughts without a Thinker, Going to Pieces without Falling Apart, Going on Being, Open to Desire, Psychotherapy without the Self, and The Trauma of Everyday Life. He received his undergraduate and medical degrees from Harvard University and is currently a clinical assistant professor in the postdoctoral program in psychotherapy and psychoanalysis at New York University.

About Brainwave 2021: Awareness

In our hyperconnected world it’s easy to feel overwhelmed and distracted. This may seem like a modern problem, but the earliest Buddhist teachings sought to help followers awaken from similar states of disconnection. From the Buddhist perspective, the first step to awakening is cultivating awareness.

Through the lens of neuroscience and psychology, the Rubin Museum’s 2021 Brainwave program series will explore awareness with speakers from different walks of life and experiment with tools to reconnect with ourselves, our surroundings, and our communities. Pay what you wish to attend any of this year’s programs.

Lead support for Brainwave is provided by Science Sandbox, an initiative of Simons Foundation, and by the New York City Department of Cultural Affairs in partnership with the City Council. Major support is provided by Gerry Ohrstrom with program support provided by Cheryl Henson.